Thoughts and life

So I know I said I would blog everyday.. So far that hasn't happened. I have been doing awesome on my diet. But I think my heart is having issues with this massive change.. I went from eating fast food at least once a day to nothing at all.. To eating fruits (which I'm not a huge fan of) four times a day. So I guess what I'm saying is today has been more emotional difficult. I am not giving up. I am not quiting but I just don't want that fruit!
I'm told though , it gets easier.. So I will agree and press on. I know tomorrow is a new day and I know that I'm a fighter.
So more about why I haven't posted. I have become addicted to a video game. Most know that I love games and I play them a lot but this one... called Playstation Home has sucked me in. It is like you are you in a game. you dress your person.. you go places, you dance.. You can buy stuff like clothes and houses and you talk with people. I know the last two days I have most likely been on that game about 27 to 30 hours. Thursday I was on the game from eleven in the morning till six the next morning. That is a lot of hours!!!
I realized while playing this game why I love it so much, or maybe I have always known. I can be who ever I want. I can wear whatever I want and I can accept all the nice compliments people give me because my avatar is "hot". I want to live in that world. I want to wear the clothes I want. To get to do the things I want to do. To be admired for my looks and not that I just have a great personality. I'm not asking for males to trip over themselves to get to me. I guess I just want to know how it feels not hide. Not to be the friend.. Not to be the other person. And for this reason I basically live my life through my character. When I type it all out it sounds sick and twisted but I feel safe there.. No one knows what I really look like. They base and judge first by my avatar and then my personality. And I know that most of the people that I spend time with on there would walk away if they saw me. Its a sad truth but its a truth.
I understand that the government is trying to help childhood obesity and parts of me are in their cheering section. But where is the section for those that live it daily? That struggle mentally to walk outside in a world that hates us so much? I don't ask for sympathy. I ask for change. Because we can be sympathetic to every eating disorder but FAT. Its like being cursed or shunned. I think its funny that our society is growing larger.. yet we only think tiny people are attractive and not even just that.. That they are the only people that amount to anything. Now don't get me wrong. I love my friends and I love all people. But we try and take charge of every form of discrimination except when you're fat.
So anyway I guess I did have a lot to say. I have a lot of hurt and pain that I'm sure will come out in this process. I just cant wait to heal. If i don't lose one pound.. I just want to know that I can heal.. ( though I know I will lose!!)